Ten Things I Loath About You
by Verekai
Summary: I hated Sirius Black with a passion. He was the most pompous, conceited, pusillanimous, antagonizing git I had ever had the misfortune of meeting. Now, after three years apart, he was in Flourish and Blott's. And I was hiding behind the counter.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note:

Alright, here we go.

* * *

Of all people to walk through the door of the shop, Sirius Black was the last one I would expect.

I hated...no, 'hate' was not a strong enough word to use. I _loathed _Sirius Black with a passion. He was the most pompous, conceited, pusillanimous, antagonizing git I had ever had the misfortune of meeting. He had terrorized me throughout our years at Hogwarts together. How I relished the year of peace after he had graduated with all of his prat-like friends. Well, Remus Lupin wasn't that bad. He was very sweet to me after Black had 'accidentally' poured frog spawn into my morning pumpkin juice. He had gladly rushed me up to the hospital wing after noticing the projectile vomit and bad rash that had resulted from an allergic reaction.

Black hadn't changed that much since I had last saw him. I had been sixteen, with bad acne and a mouth full of orthodontia. He had been seventeen, the school womanizer, making the girls swoon even after he had accepted his diploma from Professor Dumbledore.

"Excuse me?"  
I jumped, nearly upsetting an inkwell. An annoyed-looking customer huffed loudly when I finally came out of my reminiscing. She dumped the pile of spell books onto the counter with a loud crash.

"Sorry, ma'am. I'll just ring these up for you," I answered quickly. I added up the price of the books.

"That'll be 56 galleons, ma'am," I said, not really paying attention to the woman's look of indignation at the price. I was too busy following Black around the store with my eyes. He was walking around a bookshelves, inspecting the hardcovers with great interest.

The customer shoved the gold under my nose and flounced out of the shop. I whispered the password to our cash box and deposited the money.

Suddenly, Black half-turned in my general direction and I dropped to all fours behind the counter. I was going to avoid all contact with the boy who singlehandedly ruined four years of my life.

I probably should have picked a more inconspicuous shop to work at. Flourish and Blott's was basically the only wizard bookstore in London. I should have been expecting a reunion. I just didn't think that someone as unintelligent as Black would even know what a book was, let alone have the brain capacity to figure out how to buy one. Plus, I was not really thinking about Sirius Black when I was looking for a job to pay for Healer school.

I scrunched myself against the counter, glad that today was not a busy one.

The door to the shop jingled. I dared to sneak a peek around the corner to see if Prat-Boy had left.

Great Merlin, Remus Lupin had just walked into the shop.

"Bollocks," I muttered under my breath.

"Moony, I am in need of your assistance," Black announced. I scowled horribly at the sound of his voice. I could almost hear that same voice taunting me as I struggled to throw off the Atlas Charm he had placed on me. It had been my third day at Hogwarts and I had accidentally knocked his Potions essay into the fire. The charm had caused me to be flattened against the floor, with what seemed like the weight of the world crashing down on me. It was named after the Titan in Greek mythology, Atlas, whose fate was to hold up the sky for all eternity.

Merlin, how I loathed that man-child. Against my better judgment, I strained to hear the quiet conversation that seemed to be taking place in the Romance section of the store.

"I cannot believe you are getting a book for your girlfriend," Lupin was saying.

Girlfriend?

"She's not my girlfriend. She's just a casual friend who casually spends the night at my flat sometimes."

Charming. I heard Lupin cough out a laugh.

"What about this one, Moony?" Black asked.

"_Confessions of a Galleon Digger_? Sirius, what the hell?" Lupin said loudly. I covered my mouth to conceal the laugh that had bubbled to my lips.

"I think Maggie will love this!" Black said indignantly.

"Isn't her name Maddie?" asked Lupin.

"Sod off," Black retorted, "This is pointless. I'm going to the Leaky Cauldron."

I heard loud footsteps, followed by the slamming of the door. I let out a breath of relief. He was finally gone.

I suddenly jumped when the bell on the counter rang sharply. Oh Merlin, Lupin was at the counter.

I pulled myself up, red-faced and embarrassed. He was engrossed in the back of a book on vampires that was our newest addition to the store. I cleared my throat, trying to calm myself down. Adrenaline was still cursing through my veins from the almost-encounter with Black. I didn't know why I had been so worried. He wouldn't have even recognized me.

"Just that for you, sir?" I asked.

Lupin looked up and smiled at me. "Yes, this is it."

I rang up the book, noticing how he was staring at me suspiciously.

"Do I know you?" he asked as I wrapped the book up carefully. I paused for a moment, wondering I should tell him the truth.

"I was at Hogwarts. A year behind you," I said finally, wrapping a piece of twine around the book.

He continued to stare at me, as though trying to match a name the face.

"Remy Collins! I didn't recognize you at first!" he exclaimed. "Merlin, you look different!"

I blushed again. I knew how different I looked. People usually looked different after losing fifty pounds.

"Yes, well..." I trailed off, not really wanting to go down memory lane.

"Can I ask why you were cowering behind the counter?" Lupin asked in a light, teasing tone.

"I wasn't cowering!" I protested.

He laughed at my expression. He gazed at me for a moment. Suddenly, his face changed as though a light bulb had just been turned on.

"Remy Collins...Now I know why you were hiding," Lupin said quietly, his eyes sad.

"I wasn't," I said again, but this time it was weaker.

"I'm so sorry, Remy, for not stopping him. I was stupid to let him treat you that way," Lupin said, reaching out a hand to touch mine. I jumped at the contact.

"You were nice to me. I remember that," I answered, trying to make his sad eyes go away.

He sighed, and squeezed my hand.

"Sirius was such an ass to you," he said.

I nodded solemnly, "That'll be fifteen galleons, sir."

Lupin laughed loudly at the randomness of my statement.

"I never really got to know you, Remy Collins, and I'm sorry for that," Lupin said, searching in his pockets for the gold. He pushed over the money and took the book from me.

"It was really good to see you, Remy. Take care," he said, backing out of the store. He smiled at me and then the door swung shut behind him.

I let out the breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding. I lay my head on the counter and closed my eyes. The store door jangled again and I didn't even bother lifting my head.

"Remy?"

Oh shit, Lupin was back. My head shot up instantly.

"Do you want to go to this wedding on Friday with me? Not as a date or anything...but as a peace offering?" he asked shyly.

I blushed yet again.

"Of course, Lup-Remus. I would love that," I said truthfully. His face split into a huge grin.

"Great...How about I meet you at the Leaky Cauldron at four-thirty this Friday?" Remus suggested.

"Sounds good. Thanks for inviting me, Remus," I answered.

He left the shop once more, and I checked the clock on the wall. Fifteen more minutes until my shift ended.

Again, I lay my head down, hoping that the whole situation had been a bad dream. I couldn't believe that Sirius Black had been in the store. I couldn't believe I was now going to a wedding with Remus Lupin. I couldn't believe how hungry I was at that moment. I couldn't believe any of it.

The rest of my shift went by in a blur. The manager, Winston, came in at five o'clock on the dot, his grey hair frizzy from the humid June air. He growled a hello in my direction, and deposited himself in the armchair behind the counter. I gathered my purse from the back room, waved goodbye to Winston, who had already started to doze off.

Diagon Alley only had a few shoppers darting around the street, packages tucked underneath their arms and wary expressions clouding their faces. As soon as I was clear, I turned on the spot and Apparated to my little flat right on the Thames.

* * *

Author's Note:

So it wasn't as long as I had wanted it to be, but oh well. I am excited about this story. Which is weird, because I almost never get excited. But I had a decent amount of stuff planned for it (muhaha)

Please review! I always enjoy feedback :)


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note:

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter! I love you all to bits!

Disclaimer:

Nothing belongs to me. Which is depressing. Everything belongs to J.K Rowling.

NOTE: This story starts in September of 1979, for all of you avid **cough cough obsessive** readers that pay attention to dates. I had to change a few things in the first chapter. Nothing big, just the difference in age between Remy and the Marauders.

* * *

"Okay Mr. Silversmith, you're all set to go home! We were successfully able to remove the spider from navel before it caused any extensive damage," Healer Worthwick said calmly to the frazzled looking man in the bed. Worthwick was my mentor at St. Mungo's as I learned practical magic to treat patients. I was considered a Trainee Healer. During the day I took classes on etiquette and other methods of healing from the staff at St. Mungo's. At night, I accompanied Worthwick during his rounds.

Mr. Silversmith glared at his navel as though it was its fault it had become the nesting place of a tarantula.

Healer Worthwick put the chart at the end of the bed, and I trotted after him diligently.

"We just have one last patient to check up on. The woman was found this morning in an alleyway. We suspect that Fenrir Greyback was responsible again," Worthwick said sadly as we walked down the brightly corridor to a private room. It was the fourth attack this week, and it was only Thursday.

The room was dark, with only a dim glow from the chandelier to illuminate the middle of the room. The form in the bed was not moving, except for the slight fluttering of the woman's chest. She was completely encased in bandages. My heart filled with outrage at the lack of humanity Greyback possessed. It hadn't even been a full moon.

Worthwick was checking her chart and examining the bandages around her head. I pulled back the sheet to start her initial examination. I suddenly gasped at the sight of her swollen, pregnant belly.

Worthwick gently cleared his throat.

"Collins, I will need you to sedate her even more heavily. I don't want her waking up as I am repairing this," Worthwick said quietly. I nodded and took out my wand from its holder at my side.

"_Somnus_," I said, tapping the woman lightly. A soft blue glow floated from the tip of my wand and settled to cover her whole body. It shone for a second before disappearing.

"Very good, Collins. Now start unwrapping that arm. I want to change all of the dressings before you go home," Worthwick said.

I felt tears prick my eyes. We wouldn't know what ailed the baby until it was born. For now, we had to focus on saving the mother.

Worthwick took almost an hour on the woman's head while I ordered more Blood-Replenishing Potion to be brought up to the room. When we were finished, my fingers were cramped from holding my wand and my robes were blood splattered, but I didn't care. This was what I was good at. I was in my element here.

"Excellent work, Collins. I was extremely impressed today. Say, how long have you been with us?" Worthwick asked as we washed our hands in wash fountain in the corridor.

"Since I finished at Hogwarts. So I guess it's been about a month and a bit," I answered, drying my hands with a quick spell.

"Really? That's all? Your ability in Healing magic is much greater than some of our most experienced Healers. I would like to talk to the Director about making you an official Healer by the end of the year. I'd say you would only need another month or two of training," Worthwick said, wiping off his glasses and perching them back on his nose.

I nearly stopped breathing. All my hard work, those extra classes that were so expensive, long hours of studying, meager food supplies...All of it was finally going to be worth it. If I could finish my Healer training in less than a year, I would be the youngest Healer in almost a century. I felt a bit faint.

"Healer Worthwick!"

I saw a young Healer walking down the corridor towards us, a large pile of paperwork following him.

"Ah Collins, I want you to meet Dominic Bardus, another Trainee Healer. He is just completing his second year of training," Worthwick said to me, with a note of pride in his voice. Bardus must have been another student of his.

"Dominic, I'd like to introduce you to Remy Collins. She's almost completed her first month," Worthwick said.

I noticed Dominic's subtle once-over of me, and I knew from the way he smiled at me coyly that he seemed to find me a pleasant sight.

Yuck.

I held out a hand stiffly. "Healer Bardus," I said, as a form of greeting.

He grasped my hand tightly, rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand. I shivered, disgusted. It wasn't that he was bad looking. In fact, he was quite the opposite. His brown hair was messed up just so, and his robes were stretched taunt over bulging biceps. He looked too put together and I didn't like the look in his eye, as though he was the sleek fox and I was the plump chicken he was about to kill.

I gently took back my hand.

"Worthwick, I am supposed to relieve you. The Director says you have been working since six," Dominic said. Worthwick blinked and looked at his pocket watch in surprise, as though he hadn't noticed it was almost one o'clock in the morning.

"Oh how right you are, Bardus! Collins, you can go home now. You have tomorrow off. I have to run a meeting," Worthwick said.

I sighed in relief. I wanted to go home extremely badly. My eyelids drooped as the day finally caught up with me.

"I'll see you on Monday, Healer Worthwick," I said, ignoring Bardus completely. I quickly escaped to the elevator.

I didn't even notice most of the people in the waiting area. I collected my bag from behind the counter, and then hurried into the break room off of the waiting area. No one was in there, which pleased me. I didn't feel like entertaining anyone with meaningless conversation.

With a pinch of Floo Powder, I was able to get home within a matter of seconds.

The house was completely dark when I stepped out of the fire.

With a wave of my wand, the lights turned on and my cat, Sebastian, prowled forward to greet me.

I bent over and picked him up, burying my face in his thick black fur. He meowed in protest.

I carried him into my bedroom, kicking off my shoes as I went. Dumping him on my neatly made bed, I changed out of my dirty robes and into soft pajamas.

Sebastian hissed at me when I fell into bed five minutes later. I snapped my fingers and the lights were extinguished.

I sighed happily, sinking into my bed. Sebastian purred loudly and settled in next to me. For now, this was all I needed.

* * *

The Leaky Cauldron was empty, save for three other customers. There was a suspicious looking man in a dark cloak in the corner, quietly sipping his thick, red drink. I didn't want to find out if it was blood. Two women sat at the bar, chattering loudly in what sounded like a mixture of French and Swedish.

I perched awkwardly on the edge of my seat, checking the clock on the wall periodically. It was almost four thirty. I hoped I looked alright.

I had spent almost two hours in front of the mirror, obsessing over every out-of-place curl, every smudge of make up. By four-fifteen, though, I was sitting at the Leaky Cauldron.

My hair, curly and unmanageable, had been transformed into silky, blonde waves that streamed down to the middle of my back. My eyes had only the faintest amount of shimmer around them. I had opted against robes, for it was far to hot for stuffy dress robes. I wore a pale green dress, which flowed over my body and brushed a little above my knees.

I clutched my purse tightly, hoping Remus would show up. What if he stood me up?

"Remy?"

I spun around in my seat, and smiled happily as Remus approached me.

"Hey," I answered.

"You ready to go?" he asked. He was wearing handsome black dress robes, with red rose stuck in his buttonhole.

I nodded, and took his offered arm. He was holding a small crisp invitation, which was a frosty white with elegant black script.

"How are we getting there?" I asked.

"The invitation is a Portkey. It was Lily's idea," he said, watching the clock carefully. I placed one of my fingers on it.

"We are going to Lily Evans' wedding?" I asked, slightly bemused that he neglected to tell me whose wedding it was.

"James Potter and Lily Evans. You remember them, right?" Remus answered, as the minute slowly edged onto the six.

There was a tugging sensation around my navel, and with a whirl of color and sound we were off. I tried to voice my concern to Remus, but the wind was howling so loudly, I couldn't even myself.

As quickly as it had started, it was over. I thumped loudly onto the ground, while Remus was able to maintain his footing. Like a true gentlemen, he helped me to my feet and did a quick Neatening Charm for me.

We were on the edge of a meadow of wild flowers, surrounded by a tall forest of dense trees. The aisle was laid out with a white satin, while white chairs were set up in rows. At the end of the aisle was an open-sided, white gazebo. It was raised slightly, with honeysuckle and vines twining around the support columns.

Guests were already starting to fill in the chairs. I recognized the silvery beard of Albus Dumbledore in the front row, deep in conversation with Alastor Moody. I saw Alice and Frank Longbottom, who were talking to Dorcas Meadows. Rubeus Hagrid, large as ever, was seated in the very back, dabbing at his eyes with an enormous handkerchief.

My eyes darted over most of the guests as Remus tugged me along. He waved at many people, knowing most of them by name.

"I'm a groomsmen, so I will be up at the top for most of the ceremony," Remus said to me quietly, leading me down a row of chairs.

There was one empty seat next to two men with flaming red hair. Remus introduced them as Gideon and Fabian Prewett. He left after that, saying something about how Peter had tried to hex off James's hair in order to make it lay flat. Gideon was the more talkative of the pair, while Fabian's brown eyes nervously examined the perimeter.

"Remy...that's an interesting name," Gideon said, shaking my hand.

"Yours is much more interesting," I answered with a smile.

He shuddered. "I hate my name. The name Fabian sounds so honorable. We have a little sister, Molly. She has a completely normal name! Gideon just sounds..." he waved his hand as though it wasn't even worth comparing it to something. I giggled.

"Fabian means 'bean grower' and Gideon means 'powerful warrior'," Fabian said quietly. His voice was surprisingly deep and authoritative.

Gideon ignored him pointedly.

"So...Miss Remy, how do you know our blushing bride and groom?" he asked.

"Hogwarts," I answered, which seemed like the simplest answer. "What about you?"

"We are in the same...club," Gideon said.

"The Order of the Phoenix," I said, which caused Fabian to turn to look at me sharply.

"We don't like to go around spouting off information about who is in the Order. We like to maintain a certain amount of anonymity" he said.

"Everyone already knows about you," I answered. Fabian's eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"That may be, but it still isn't very wise to go spewing off the names of the members," he said.

I opened my mouth, a retort bubbling on my tongue.

Gideon looked uncomfortable and leaned forward to block my view of his brother.

"Let's play nice now," he said and quickly changed the subject.

I turned my full attention to Gideon, for he was a wonderful character, full of life and laughter. We talked until there was a great hush over the crowd and a small musical group began playing softly.

James Potter, dressed in his best, walked down the aisle carefully, flanked by his three closest friends.

My heart nearly stopped when I saw Black. I wanted nothing better than to see him trip and fall flat on his face. I silently fumed to myself as the groom and his groomsmen took their places in the gazebo. A small, stringy looking wizard, with grey tufts protruding from his rather large ears, drew his wand.

Everyone turned in their seats to watch the bridal party proceed down the aisle.

First came the flower girl, who let red rose petals fall through her fingers. She looked like she was barely four years old. Next came the ring bearer, who looked about the same age as the little girl before him. They must have been twins, or at least brother and sister.

There was only one bridesmaid, Mary MacDonald, who had been one of Lily's closest friends during her years at Hogwarts. I myself had only spoken to Lily Evans no more than seven times over the course of my academic stay at Hogwarts. No one really wanted to be affiliated with the girl who Sirius Black seemed to antagonize on a daily basis. I distanced myself from everyone, just as they distanced themselves from me.

_Times have changed _I thought to myself as the whole crowd drew in a breath as Lily began her long walk towards the gazebo.

Her gown was simple and elegant, epitomizing the very essence of her. It as floor length, with a lacy train that trailed behind her. Her bouquet contained red roses and a single white lily flower nestled in the center. She was blushing prettily, her green eyes gazing steadily at her soon-be-husband. James drank in the site of her, his entire face lighting up with love.

Lily reached the gazebo and stood next to James. As the ceremony started, my eyes couldn't help but drift onto Black.

I could see why many girls liked him. He was tall, taller than James and Remus. He had striking cheekbones and straight, normal-looking nose. His dark hair was a little on the long side, and it fell across his eyes with a casual grace.

It was so unfair.

"Why are you staring at Sirius like you want to throttle him?" Gideon whispered in my ear, making me jump.

I blushed. "I wasn't,"

"Sure, and the Montrose Magpies are going to lose the league this year," Gideon snorted. I pursed my lips together tightly.

"Oh come on, my dear Remy, you and I both know what you were doing! I am surprised he is still standing, though. You looked positively murderous," Gideon said softly.

I gaped for a little, trying to find the best way to sum up my feelings towards Black. "He...He's just not my favorite person," I answered.

"What did he do to you? Break your heart? Reject your flirtatious advances? Knock you up?" Gideon asked, making me grimace.

"I would never let Sirius Black ever touch me," I answered through gritted teeth.

Gideon looked at me in surprise, but seemed to be smart enough not to dwell on the subject. My gaze returned to the gazebo, and this time, Remus caught my eye. He grinned slightly at me and I smiled back. I liked Remus. He was sweet, kind, reliable. Everything a man should be. I wished he had been my brother.

The ceremony was gorgeous. As the little man joined Lily and James in holy matrimony, many guests dabbed at their misty eyes.

No tears fell down my face. I hadn't cried since I was sixteen.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride," the little man said loudly.

James grabbed Lily around the waist and dipped her nearly in half. He bent his head and covered her laughing mouth with his in a deep, passionate kiss.

The entire congregation erupted into cheers and applause as Lily and James made their way down the gazebo steps and down the aisle.

"I need a drink. So much love makes me see how utterly lonely and depressing my life is," Gideon said jokingly.

I didn't laugh, for I was feeling those exact emotions.

* * *

Author's Note:

Alright, so there is chapter two. Definitely more to come! By the way, I absolutely love Gideon Prewett. Or at least, **my** Gideon Prewett. He is based on what I would want my best guy friend to be like. I hope you enjoyed him. He will be around for some time :)  
Review! Please and thank you :)


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note:

Fabulous, a new chapter :) Enjoy all you lovely, simply stupendous people! And maybe review? Just for me...pretty pretty please?

Disclaimer:

I own no one and nothing. Except Remy. She's entirely of my creating. Everything else is J.K. Rowling's.

* * *

A glass of champagne dangled from my fingertips as I watched couples sway on the dance floor. James and Lily were at the very center, their heads bent together, as though they were locked in their very own world.

I downed the rest of the champagne and set it on the table, a little more forcefully than I had intended.

"Not enjoying ourselves?" asked Gideon, who was lounging next to me.

"I'm fine," I answered. He didn't look convinced.

We were seated at one of the many white tables that surrounded a large open dance floor. A thin gauzy material that twinkled in the dying sun was draped over our heads and around the sides. The small band that had been playing during the ceremony was in the far corner, wearing dashing golden robes. The last chord of the slow song ended and everyone clapped. The band then struck up a slightly faster tune that had most couples on the dance floor.

"Ah, well, there is a ravishing lady in a pink dress with my name on it. Cheerio!" Gideon said to me, downing his glass of Firewhiskey. I raised my eyebrow at his retreating back.

"Gideon has always been a ladies man," someone remarked next to me. I looked up to see Remus beaming down at me.

"I am so sorry. I have been neglecting you," he said dramatically.

"No, you have not! You have merely been doing your duties as a groomsmen," I answered. Remus placed a finger on his chin thoughtfully.

"I have, haven't I?" he said, making me smile at his antics. He suddenly became very serious.

"My dear Miss Collins, would you like to dance?" Remus held out his hand, very formally and stiff backed.

"I would be greatly honored, Master Lupin," I answered, matching his subdued tone. I grasped his hand, and he pulled me onto the dance floor.

He spun me around twice, and then dipped me dramatically. I laughed happily. I was relaxed in his arms as he led me through the waltz.

"You are a natural dancer," he said, twirling me expertly.

"My mother was a professional ballroom dancer. I was doing the tango before I could even run properly," I confessed with a smile.

I still could remember my mother's cool hands encased around my small, pudgy ones. She would let me stand on her feet and we would dance around the kitchen while the old record player hummed loudly on top of the counter.

"Well, my mother insisted I was put into ballroom lessons at the young age of five," Remus said. "My first partner, Marni Yelson, was nearly a head taller than me. Plus she had a tendency to step on my feet."

I started to giggle as the picture formed in my mind.

"No laughing!" protested Remus, though he was grinning as well. "I have very sensitive toes now, thanks to her!"

We danced for a few paces in comfortable silence.

"Does your mother still dance?" Remus asked.

I felt myself tense in his arms. "She and my father were killed last year by Death Eaters," I answered quietly.

"Remy, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to pry..." he said.

"No, no, you didn't know. It's alright," I said, hurrying to make up for the awkwardness. I hated sympathy. I didn't want any.

"Do you know why they were killed?" he asked gently.

I swallowed the lump that had begun to build in my throat. "My father...He was the heir to the Collins fortune. The Collins' are a very old Pureblood family, you know. My father met my mother, who was a Muggle, fell in love, and was immediately disowned. It's my understanding that old family friends committed the murder," I answered.

Remus made a noise that sounded like a cross between a snarl and a cough. He stopped dancing suddenly and looked down at me.

"You talk as though you are not one of them," he commented.

"I may share their last name, but as far as I am concerned the similarities stop there." I stared fixedly at the floor.

"You could join the Order," he said quietly. "You could help us fight."

I shivered. "I don't...I have my job at Flourish and Blott's and my Healer training. Of what use could I be to the Order?"

"We need all the help we can get. If you were a trained Healer...It would help us so much and we can protect you," he said, his voice a little harsher than before.

"Remus..." I didn't know what to say to him. What he was offering was something I had never even considered. The Order of the Phoenix was an organization where people died. People were murdered in cold blood.

"We are fighting for equality. We are fighting to make sure that people are not killed on the streets for what they believe in. We are fighting to make sure that your children can grow up, knowing that they are safe in their beds. You could help us."

I was staring openly at him, a thousand thoughts flitting through my mind. I could be killed...They could find me...I could be murdered...I would have to hurt people...

I felt nauseous.

"They deserve everything that they have coming," Remus said, as though reading my thoughts. "Do they?" I asked simply, pulling away.

"Remy...they murder people! They take their life in their hands and crush it. They have no mercy. I have seen it with my own eyes. They murdered three Muggle children just for the fun of it last week!" Remus nearly yelled. People were starting to turn and look at us. I didn't want to talk to him about it any more. I was finished.

I spun on my heel and stormed out of the tent, my cheeks burning and my eyes flashing.

How could he do that? Just throw that on me after I had confessed that my own family members basically signed my parent's death order. It wasn't fair. I couldn't help the Order.  
I was at the edge of the trees surrounding the meadow. I flung myself on a large, mossy rock, trying to take deep breaths.

I could see why Remus though I should join the Order. Anyone else in my position would have, I'm sure. I couldn't see myself fighting other human beings, I couldn't see myself hurting them. It made me slightly sick, after working with injured patients at St. Mungo's.  
Just the thought of hurting another human, even one who had caused so much hurt, made me want to hurl. I had no stomach for violence.

I buried my face in my hands.

"That was an impressive storm out," a voice commented.

I jumped and whipped out my wand, swearing like a sailor.

Albus Dumbledore was examining a small bush next to a large oak tree, his half-moon spectacles drooping on his nose.

"Professor..." I gasped, my heart racing.

"Your vocabulary is very much expanded since I last saw, Miss Collins," Dumbledore mused, poking at the bottom leaves with his long finger. Something snorted.

"What is that?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"I have a guess – and my guesses are usually correct – that I have stumbled across the hiding place of a Jarvey," Dumbledore said, and suddenly a furry little creature tumbled out of the bush.

It resembled an overgrown ferret. It was a dark brown, with bright little eyes that seemed to sparkle mischievously. It sat peculiarly on his hunches and looked at us with intelligent eyes. It was about the size of a cat.

Dumbledore smiled pleasantly down at it.

"What are you smirking at, four-eyes?" asked the Jarvey, surprising me.

"Simply charming. Jarvies are one of the only magical beasts that can talk, though it is usually insults," Dumbledore said, drawing out a small carrot from within his robes. The Jarvey eyed it appreciatively.

"Professor, I don't know what you heard back there-" I said, feeling like I owed him an explanation.

"Remy, there is no need to explain. I would never force you to become part of the Order. It is an immense decision for some people. Some, like Remus, don't understand how people could not want to fight for our cause after experiencing it first-hand," Dumbledore said, handing the carrot to the Jarvey. It munched on it happily, before scurrying into the forest.

"Why was so he so unhappy with me?" I asked.

"He most likely thinks you should be angry at the people who murdered your parents," Dumbledore answered, twiddling his thumbs thoughtfully.

I considered this. "I am angry...I just don't want to hurt anyone."

Dumbledore looked at me fondly. "You are a unique person, Miss Collins. I want you to know I am not pressuring you at all. I would just like to say that your extraordinary medical talents would be a great help to us. We would have someone we could trust handling any injuries."

"I don't want to fight," I said firmly.

"I know. There may come a time, though, when you find that your opinion has changed. Just prepare yourself for that day, even if it never comes."

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, a nervous habit.

"Remy?"

It was Remus.

"I think I have spotted Edgar Bones...He said his wife had a pair of socks for me," Dumbledore said, and set off towards the tent.

Remus squatted down in front of me, his face grim.

"I'm sorry, Remy. I was out of line," he said, looking throughly downhearted.

"I'm sorry for freaking out," I answered.

He took one of my hands in his and pulled me to me feet as he stood up. I was suddenly struck with the thought of how little I knew about him and how little he knew of me.

"Remus, why did you invite me?" I asked.

He looked confused. "I told you...a peace offering."

"I get the feeling that that wasn't all this was," I answered.

He watched me for a few moments as though trying to judge whether or not he should say something.

"Truthfully, I don't really know. I guess, you looked so scared and angry. I had never seen someone with that much anger in their eyes. I thought if you got out of your dark place...you might be happier...less angry," he admitted.

"Dark place?" I asked.

"You know what I mean."  
I didn't answer.

"It's because of Sirius isn't it. He made you scared."  
I shook my head. I wasn't scared of him. I was just harboring nine years of resentment. Even after Hogwarts, thoughts of him plagued me. I couldn't stop remembering every taunt, every prank that he had ever submitted me to.

"I just...hate him," I answered softly.

Remus stepped closer to me, hugging me to his chest.

"MOONY!" someone yelled from the tent, where the music had been growing steadily louder.

"I should go see what they need," Remus said, pulling away. I nodded, a little embarrassed at how much he cared.

I stayed at the edge of the trees, brushing the dirt from my dress and making my hair presentable again, before I followed him back to the tent.

* * *

It was late before the wedding began to die down. Many people had left, and there were only two couples left on the dance floor. The band looked weary and slightly rumpled from playing all night.

"Merlin...what a party," hiccuped Gideon. Fabian looked at him with a disgusted expression on his face.

I yawned and nodded.

"Gid, we should be heading out," Fabian said, nudging his sleepy brother.

"Hmmm? Oh yeah, we have to go see Molly tomorrow. Apparently she's pregnant again," Gideon said, stretching.

"Tell her congratulations," I said.

Fabian nodded, while Gideon swooped in and kissed my cheek with a great flourish.

"I hope to see you again, Miss Remy," he said, winking at me roguishly.

They said their goodbyes to Lily and James and disappeared into the night. I stayed at the table, not really paying attention to my surroundings. I kept yawning.

"I hope you weren't this bored the entire night!"

Lily Evans, now Potter, sank into the chair next to me. She looked positively exhausted.

"Oh, of course not!" I protested, but then I noticed the small quirk of her mouth and realized she was joking with me.

"I have been wanting to sit down all evening. James insisted on dancing nearly every dance," she said, looking over her shoulder for her new husband. "Hardly married for a minute and I've already lost him."

She shrugged.

I held out my hand. "I'm Remy. Remy Collins."

Lily laughed slightly. "I know who you are, Remy. I recognized you, even though you have changed quite a bit."

"Really?" I asked, incredulous.

"Of course! You look amazing tonight, by the way."

I blushed and looked down at my hands. "Nothing compared to you."  
"Oh don't be silly. Nearly every man here has come up to me, asking to be introduced to you! Even Sirius!" Lily said.  
So he hadn't recognized me. I didn't know whether to be grateful or insulted that he didn't even have the decency to remember who I was.

"Listen, I'm really glad you came. I've been wanting to apologize for not standing up to Sirius enough. I told him off loads of times, but he always seemed to catch you whenever I wasn't around. I'm really sorry I wasn't able to put a stop to it," Lily said, pouring herself a glass of water.

"It's alright," I muttered.

"No, it really isn't. I have no idea why he was so horrible to you. I mean, yes he was a prat, but he usually knew when to back off. And I never thought he would be that mean to a Gryffindor," Lily said thoughtfully.

"I must have been pretty special," I answered bitterly. Lily cast me a sympathetic look.

"Truthfully, I think you were just an easy target. I know that sounds terrible, but I think that's why he did it."

I didn't know what to say. Sure I had been introverted, but that didn't give Black the excuse to be such an ass.

"Listen, it might not seem like it, but Sirius has changed. He grew up a lot after Hogwarts. He's been through a lot, and I think he's changed for the better. I really consider him my brother now. You know, it's not too late to try and mend things," Lily said, not unkindly.

Mend things with Black? Like that would ever happen.

* * *

Author's Note:

I wrote this chapter in one afternoon. I just couldn't stop.

Get ready...next chapter is the fateful reunion between Remy and Sirius. Get ready to have the pants blown off you. Any feedback will be accepted and greatly appreciated.

Until next time, duckies!


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note:

This took me ages to write. I don't really know why. It was just really difficult for me. I think I am having a crisis. It's getting out of hand. I think.

Disclaimer:

I own nothing...J.K. Rowling owns everything.

WARNING:

A little dark. Just a warning.

* * *

I was quite relaxed when it came to security. I knew this. I knew I was playing with fire. I knew one day I would get burned.

I never really thought it would happen.

I knew nothing about the Order of the Phoenix. Well, I knew some of the members. But most of them were already well-known. Everyone knew about them.

I did not openly oppose You-Know-Who. In fact, I avoided the subject at all cost. I didn't like talking about it. I had seen what could happen to someone. Example: the family of tortured wizards who had recently been admitted at St. Mungo's.

I was not important. At all. Sure, I was talented at Healing. That was my area of expertise. Why would the Death Eaters want a Healer who could barely stand the thought of killing a spider that had taken up residence in her linen closest?

I wasn't extremely close to anyone in the Order. Alright, that wasn't entirely true. Remus and I were close. It was amazing how close we were. Every since Lily and James's wedding, which was at the beginning of September, we had been close. We had lunch every Wednesday. We sent each other numerous letters during the week. Gideon sometimes joined us for lunch, though he was usually out doing things for the Order. Lily and James were always inviting me and Remus over for supper.

Amazingly, I had not run into Black again. At all. He had basically disappeared off the face of the Earth. I hadn't seen him since the wedding, which had been about a month ago.

Maybe I was important.

I didn't have any fancy enchantments around my house. I didn't have any special codes or locks. I had been foolish.

And now I was paying for it.

* * *

I was exhausted. It was a Tuesday night...or was it a Wednesday morning? I didn't have enough energy to look at my watch. St. Mungo's had been overflowing with people. Apparently there had been a large scale Death Eater attack on a village highly populated with wizards just outside of London.

My flat was completely silent, save for the quiet ticking of the wall clock. I set down my bag at the table, wondering where Sebastian was. He always came to greet me when I came home. Always.

I whistled softly for him.

Nothing.

There was an eerie quiet throughout my house. One that wasn't normal.

I gripped my wand tightly, feeling knots of unease begin to form in my stomach.

Every nerve ending tensed when I distinctly heard a rustle of a cloak across the floor.

My scalp prickled ominously, and fear swelled in my chest.

"Well, well, well...Look what we have here. Spawn of the traitorous bastard Collins. How lovely," a malice-filled voice chimed.

I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound escaped. My throat felt closed off. A split-second later, I was thrown against the floor.

Instead of usual ropes binding me, there were thick, steel strips, with what felt like knives attached to them, digging into my flesh. They wrapped around my shoulders, my arms, my torso...my whole body, save for my neck and head.

I was in agony. I shrieked wordlessly into the darkness.

All around me were cloaked figures. In the moonlight that was spilling through the window, I saw a woman walk forward, her wild, dark hair streaming behind her likes shredded ribbon. She stared down at me with cold, burning hate.

I could hardly think. The straps were inflicting the worst pain I had ever experienced.

"See boys...See how her blood in dirty," the woman said, her voice a soft coo.

The figures around me laughed terribly.

"We must purge the dirt from the world. We must make the world clean of traitors to the Dark Lord."

I was going to die.

I didn't even get to say goodbye to anyone...to Lily...to James...to Gideon...to Remus...

_Drip...drip...drip_

My thin robes were drenched in my blood. I felt light-headed.

"Now, Remy, we are going to play a little game. You are going to tell me all the names of the members of the Order of the Phoenix. Then you are going to tell me where I can find said members," the woman said, leaning over me.

Without warning, a thick boot connected with my side, another with my temple. Again and again, they struck. I was helpless, unable to move to defend myself.

I was dying...It was never going to end.

"That's enough," the woman sang.

The pressure on my throat was lifted and I screamed my pain. It echoed off the walls of the kitchen, filling the whole apartment. I screamed and screamed, feeling my whole world being torn apart.

A fist pounded my chest, knocking the scream right out of me. I gasped for air.

"_Crucio!" _the woman snarled.

Oh, the pain. The worst pain I had ever felt. A thousand times worse than losing my parents. A thousand times worse than the metal straps. A thousand times worse.

I lay face down on the floor, breathing through my nose and sobbing. No tears fell. None at all.

"Now, it seems you have two options. Answer...or die."

I could end it. I could end the pain. All I had to do was say the names I knew. All I had to do was say where they lived.

Remus...

His kind face blossomed in my mind.

I couldn't. I wouldn't.

The woman looked at me in disgust.

"Gladstone...I think her tongue needs loosening," the woman sneered.

No...my clothes were gone...No...no...no...The air kissed my bare skin...no...no...the straps around my legs disappeared...no...no...my blood...meaty hands...everywhere...

I screamed with every last bit of strength. I screamed as everything shattered into darkness. I screamed, hoping someone, anyone would come.

I struggled. I had to fight.

Hands held me down. Someone was laughing cruelly. Several wands were pointed directly at my heart, my head. I closed my eyes.

_Let me die...please let me die..._

Summoning up all my courage, all my wasted strength, everything I could muster, I screamed out one spell I could think of:

"_SUCCURRO!" _

That was it. That's was all I had. With a shuddering breath, I finally succumbed into the gentle oblivion of unconsciousness.

* * *

I was dead. I was positive. There was no way I had survived.

Heaven, if this was heaven, was blissful.

It was soft. It smelled...musky and of Butterbeer.

I felt like I was floating. Just sailing along in the bright light.

I was dead.

Something warm and damp touched my forehead. Then my cheeks. I looked around. When had it started raining?

I was starting to fall away from the bright light. I was flying away. A deep ache was settling over my entire body. What was happening?

With a jolt, my eyes flew open and immediately I squeezed them shut.

The light hurt.

"Remy...Remy?" a deep, male voice asked.

I wanted to go back to floating in the clouds. It didn't hurt there.

"Oh, no you don't. C'mon, lets see those gorgeous eyes Remus keeps talking about."

What?

I opened my eyes slowly. I was lying on my back in a small bed. I could feel several bandages around my midsection. I swallowed painfully.

_Hands held me down, someone cackled, I struggled. It was no use. _

A cry tore from my cracked lips and I buried myself in the bed, trying to cover myself, trying to escape.

"Remy, it's okay. It's okay. You're alright now. You're safe," the person soothed.

The memory of the pain was so fresh, so willing to reveal itself again. I couldn't control it. I bit the pillow, and screamed into it.

"Merlin, Remy!"

The blankets were torn away from me and I threw myself away from the cool hands that tried to calm me.

I huddled against the wall, pressing myself against it. I heard the door open.

"What happened, Sirius? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything! She woke up and I didn't get the chance to give her the Calming Drought!"

"Go get Lily! I'll stay here. GO!"

"No...no...no..." I muttered, shaking. "Make it stop."

"Remy? Come on, love, look at me."  
A hand touched my hair.

"NO!" I exploded. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

It was him. It was Gladstone. He was touching me. He was here.

"Remy, it's me! It's Remus. I won't hurt you!"

"No...no...no..."

I heard the door open again.

"Remus, get out!"

"But Lily, she needs me-"

"Get out! She is in shock. No one can come in here except me. Do you understand? She doesn't need you right now."

"Lily..." He was pleading.

"No. It won't help her."

"Please..."

"Sirius, get him out of here! Right now, or so help me, I will curse you both into the next millennium."

The door closed with a snap. It was quiet.

I whimpered. Everything felt raw. So exposed. So horrible.

"Remy, darling, you need to drink this. This will make it better,"

I turned away from the wall. Lily sat in the chair next to the bed, holding out a smoking goblet.

She nodded encouragingly. "There's a good girl," she said quietly, raising the goblet to my lips.

I gulped down the liquid as though my life depended on it. I had to make the pain stop.

"Good back to sleep, honey. You're safe now. Remy, you're so brave. Sleep now."

I sank back into the pillows, utterly wasted, utterly spent.

I floated back into the clouds. I floated all alone in the bright light. I floated, dreading the moment when I would have to wake up.

* * *

Author's Note:

Well, it's not the reunion I was expecting. I have a feeling it's not what many of you were expecting either. At first, I tried to get them to meet in Flourish and Blott's. That didn't work. I tried to get them to meet in St. Mungo's. That didn't work. Nothing was working. The final draft you just read just flowed. I started at 7:30 and finished at 9. Read it...Digest it...Review it.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note:

Brace yourselves.

Disclaimer:

My head goes off to J.K. Rowling, for she owns everything.

* * *

I knew it had been two weeks.

Two weeks since I had been attacked.

Two weeks since the walls of my life had crumbled in front of my eyes.

Two weeks since I had let anyone touch me.

Two weeks since I had last spoken.

Two weeks since I had tried to do magic.

Two weeks of pure hell.

"She hasn't gotten out of bed. I don't know what to do, James."

"She's in shock, Remus. She just needs times."

"It's been so long. She hasn't said anything to anyone, either."  
"I don't blame her."

"Have we found out who did it?"

"Yeah, Padfoot has been tailing them ever since he brought Remy here."

"I still can't believe he was the one who found her."  
"He's not back yet. He was supposed to get back yesterday. Dumbledore hasn't said anything to you about it? No? Great... Hey, are you staying for supper?"

"I can't...for obvious reasons. I need to get home."

"Come on, Remus. We have that space in the basement! I can stay with you."

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's too risky. I've got to go, James. Tell me if there's any change."

"Fine. You get to tell Lily you won't be here for supper. You know how she gets."

Two sets of feet stumped down the hallway, then down the stairs. I blinked slowly, coming out of a light doze.

The ceiling had not changed since the last time I woke up. It was the same as ever. I appreciated the consistency.

The room which had become my haven of sorts was simple. It was the guest bedroom, I had concluded. The bed was large and always warm. The sheets were a crisp white, and there was a light blue duvet, which matched the floppy rug that covered the wooden floor. There was a squashy armchair in one of the corners, right next to a large window overlooking the front street. A straight-backed chair stood next to the bed, and several glasses occupied the top of the bedside table.

I swallowed, then winced at my dry throat. I wondered if one of the glasses contained water.

The door to the room opened, and Lily tiptoed in, carrying a smoking goblet.

"Oh! Remy, you're awake," she said, surprised.

I didn't comment.

"Do you feel up to drinking this?" she asked, sitting in chair carefully.

I gave a short nod.

"Alright, can you sit up for me?"

I pulled myself up in a sitting position. The metal straps had left huge, gaping wounds in around my torso, legs and arms. Lily had managed to heal them, and now only ugly, purple scars remained. They had refused to fade.

"This is a Replenishing Potion. It will give you more strength," she said, handing me the goblet. I gulped it down, trying not to gag at the rancid taste.

"I know it tastes bad," Lily said sympathetically. "But you've lost so much weight, I'm getting a little worried." She took the now empty goblet from me.

"You should come down for supper. Apparently, it will just be me and James," she said, straightening the bed covers, a small frown creasing her face.

I closed my eyes, waiting for her to go back downstairs. I did not want to have supper with them. I did not want to move. It was safe in here.

"Okay. Well, just come down if you want to."

The door closed with a quiet snap, and I was finally alone again.

* * *

"Miss Collins..."

No. I did not want to wake up.

"Remy...I would like you to wake up, even if you just give me the illusion you are actually listening."

Oh...I recognized that voice. Of course I knew that voice.

I opened my eyes, biting my lip as I stared into Albus Dumbledore's bright blue eyes.

"How have you been?" he asked gently.

Well, professor, I keep having these horrible, terrifying dreams that turn out to be my reality.

"It is such a foolish question to ask someone who has experienced what you have. My apologies," Dumbledore said.

I turned away from him, for it felt like my entire soul was being x-rayed by him.

"Lily and James have not said anything about that night to you. They seemed to think it would be better. However, I think you are ready to hear the events that took place that night."

No...

"First, I think you should know that a member of the Order of the Phoenix was tailing that particular group of Death Eaters. The group was lead by Bellatrix Lestrange and Erik Gladstone. The Order member lost track of them about three days before they attacked you."

I didn't want to hear this. I didn't want to know this.

But Dumbledore continued. "The knives that were welded into the metal bands had been dipped in a rare poison called '_Incendia' _which is fatal if left in the bloodstream. Most fortunately, Lily was able to extract the poison and give you an antidote before any harm could be done."

I didn't say anything, but shoved my sleeve up to show him the puckered scar on my upper arm. A flicker of sympathy passed over Dumbledore's face before a calm mask was restored.

I shook my head at him, my lips pressed tightly together.

"Would you like to know more?"

Did I have a choice?

"After you were attacked, things become slightly foggy. After attacking you, it appears the Death Eaters fled the scene. I am terribly sorry to bring you this news, but your house was completely demolished; we were unable to salvage anything."

My breath caught in my throat, and I struggled to retain enough air. Oh no...no no no no...wait...what about Sebastian?

I looked at Dumbledore, the question burning at my lips.

"I'm sorry, Remy. Your cat did not make it," he said quietly, looking at his hands.

Oh gods.

Nothing. Nothing made it.

I pounded my fist into the mattress, sheer desperation and sorrow racing through me.

"Remy...There's more you need to know."

What could he possibly say to me?

"You were pulled out of the wreckage by the Order member who had been tailing the Death Eater group. He flew you to Lily and James's house as soon as he could. He thought you were dead."

I couldn't see where this was going.

"The newspapers printed that on the night of the 29th of September, Remy Collins was brutally murdered in her London home."

I felt my eyes widen. He couldn't be serious. I couldn't have heard correctly. I was almost sure I had just heard Dumbledore say that everyone now thought I was dead.

"For your protection, we decided against correcting them. The Death Eaters do not hunt ghosts."  
I suddenly sat up straight in the bed, my hair flying wildly around me.

"I know this is a very difficult time for you, Remy. But you must be strong. You cannot keep hiding from these dark fears that the Death Eaters have planted in your head. You must fight!"

Dumbledore leaned forward, his eyes shining with something I couldn't quite identify.

He held my gaze for some time, before I couldn't look any longer. Gasping slightly, I lay back in the pillows, and turned to the wall. I clutched the blankets to my mouth, praying I would be able to hold in the scream.

I didn't hear Dumbledore leave, though I knew he had left. I felt empty. Like there was nothing inside me except a few screams of agony. The pain was gone, Lily had seen to that. I couldn't stop the memories though. Gladstone's hands...The woman, Bellatrix, with her cruel voice...The murmurs from the hooded figures standing around me...the knives sinking into my flesh...

No, those memories seemed burned in my mind.

Who had pulled me out? Who had saved me from the wreckage? Why was there even wreckage in the first place?

What spell had I yelled out?

_Succurro_

Ah, yes. The Mercy Spell. That would explain the wreckage. The spell caused most objects, except people, within fifty feet to explode. The inventor of the spell must have thought the explosion would have killed anyone standing directly in the center.

It did not do me any good. The Death Eaters survived. I survived.

Surviving wasn't the right word.

Existing was better. Just breathing. Just getting through each day, hoping that the next one would be better.

Would it ever get better?

Would the agony finally stop?

Would I ever be whole again?

* * *

It was a full moon that night. I sat in the armchair by the window, my legs curled up under me, and a large blanket wrapped around my shoulders.

Somewhere, all alone, a wolf howled longingly.

No one answered its mournful call.

I glanced away from the moon, and examined the empty street in front of the house. All was quiet in the little house, though it was a pleasant quiet, with the slight gurgle of pipes and soft snores permeating the night air.

_Crack! _

Slipping slightly in surprise, I peered out the window fearfully. I slapped a hand to my mouth to keep from screaming. A dark figure had Apparated just across the street, their cloak still rippling from the journey.

Bile coated my throat.

I had to wake James. I had to warn them.

I stumbled from the chair, the blanket dropping to the floor with a muffled thump. I crashed to the door and wrenched it open. For the first time since I had been brought to the house, I finally saw the outside of my room. Without thinking, I tripped down the dark hallway towards another bedroom door. Following the snores, I wrenched open Lily and James's bedroom door, knocking it into the wall with a bang.

Awoken by my graceful entry, Lily screamed. James swore.

I ducked to the ground as a bright red light suddenly flashed by my ear.

"_Lumos," _I heard Lily's voice command. A soft glow emanated from Lily's wand tip, illuminating the scene. James was on his feet, his wand pointed at the doorway, while Lily knelt on the bed, her wand held high. I was on my hands and knees, staring terrified at the two of them.

"Oh Merlin, Remy," James breathed, lowering his wand and reaching for his glasses. "I nearly Stunned you! What's the matter?"

I couldn't speak. Nothing was coming out. I tried. I tried as hard as I could.

"She's trying to tell us something, James," Lily said, intuitive as ever, crawling from the bed. She hurried over to me, her wild hair billowing behind her like a red wave.

I opened my mouth, ordering my vocal cords to work. Nothing. I looked like a fish, opening and closing my mouth without a sound.

"Remy...Are you okay? What happened?" she asked, forcing my face to look up at hers.

Slowly, I shook my head. She was touching me...No one had touched me since That Night.

"Did you see something, Remy?"

James came closer, pulling a t-shirt over his bare chest.

I nodded, panic filling me.

"Outside?"

I nodded again. Lily glanced up at James, who nodded determinedly. Stepping around me, he bounded down the hallway. Lily gave a small sob and clutched her wand more tightly. With surprising strength, she pulled me up onto my feet and nearly dragged me to the top of the stairs. I flinched at her touch.

"_Gladstone...I think her tongue needs loosening." _

I could barely breath. All I could feel were his hands all over me, inside me.

Lily did not seem to notice anything except the outline of her husband as he stood in front of the door.

"_Nox," _she whispered, and her wand tip was extinguished. Her lips were pressed tightly together, and beside me, she trembled.

His wand held high, James flung open the front door while Lily shut her eyes.

"Padfoot?"

I couldn't see anything in the darkness except the faint figure of James.

I heard Lily let out a shaky breath and sink to the floor. I stood, silent and slightly unnerved.

"On your seventeenth birthday, what did James Potter give you?" James said calmly, though there was a note of caution in his voice.

"A motorcycle, which we then proceeded to enchant to make it fly. How do you enter the secret passageway on the fourth floor of Hogwarts?" a deep voice rang out.

"You knock on the mirror's frame four times, then run through it," James answered and then pulled the visitor inside the house, clapping him on the back as he did so.

With a small muttered incantation, the lights of the house were brightened. I was nearly knocked over by Lily as she scampered down the stairs, nearly tripping over her feet. She threw herself at the visitor, who gave a short, bark-like laugh and spun her around.

"Sirius! Oh, Sirius! We were expecting you yesterday! Merlin, what happened to you?" she asked, stepping back and examining a nasty cut on his cheek.

"It's nothing, Lil. Nothing. I got it from a girl near Bristol. Nasty little thing. Nearly tore my head off when I asked her if she was a hag. She wasn't, by the way."

"Sirius!"

"Never mind that, what was with the warm welcome, eh?"

"Just a precaution. Remy-I mean, we, we thought we heard something," James said quickly, exchanging a glance with Lily.

"Remy? Is she alright? How is she?"

"She's...She's been better."

"Is she still here?"

"She's staying in the guest bedroom." James's voice was slightly guarded.

"Stop it, James. I'm not going to hurt her, so you can stop acting like I am the bad guy."

"If you think I'm going to let you near her after all she's been through, with you and with those Death Eaters, you are greatly mistaken. I'm sorry, but Remy doesn't need that right now."

I was surprised at the small note of venom in Lily's voice as she said that. I buried my face in my hands, glad that the shadows were so concealing.

Wait...Hold the Floo...I stepped back from the top of the stairs, feeling slightly lightheaded. A conversation was coming back to me.

"_I can't believe __**he **__was the one who found her." _

He...Remus had meant Sirius. Sirius Black.

He was the one who had saved me from the wreckage. He was the one who had been tailing the group. That's why I hadn't seen him at all since the wedding. That was his mission...He had been following the group even after my attack.

I stumbled backwards, feeling my way towards the guest bedroom, a hand covering my mouth.

Closing the door quietly, I retreated to the bed, covering myself until I was sufficiently wrapped in a cocoon of sheets.

I swallowed, feeling a strange thump in my throat, one I hadn't felt since I had been sixteen.

Turning my face into the pillow, I bit down and screamed, letting out my frustration and fear. I didn't feel any form of thankfulness towards Black. How could I? He let the Death Eaters get away. Like he even cared about me. He was probably just trying to save his own neck. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

I turned onto my back, staring up at the ceiling, yet again.

I would never be rid of Sirius Black.

* * *

Author's Note:

Well...what do you think? I'm not really sure what I think. We'll see what happens next.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note:

Here's Chapter 6. Sorry it took so long for me to get off my lazy buttocks to write this.

Disclaimer:

Nothing belongs to me. Except the things that do.

* * *

I woke up a few of days after Black returned from his mission with hunger clawing at my empty belly. Lying in the dark for a moment, I contemplated my options. They weren't very appealing. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I saw that it was about five in the morning. I listened carefully, and heard only the small snores from the bedroom next door. No one seemed to be awake.

I swung my legs out of the bed, stifling a yawn as I tiptoed to the door.

After two long weeks of self-confinement, I had started to venture out into the house. It might have been because of Dumbledore's visit, it might have been because I had started to feel like the walls of the bedroom were closing in around me. What ever the reason, I had eaten all my meals with Lily and James the past few days. They hadn't mentioned my sudden reappearance, though I had detected a shared expression of optimism between them.

A soft glow emanated from the window at the end of the hallway, illuminating my way down the stairs. Still rubbing the last few dregs of sleep from my eyes, I padded into the kitchen. Right away, I put the tea on to boil.

I didn't want to use magic. I hated being disappointed with the results.

I turned towards the refrigerator, which was humming merrily. My stomach growled in anticipation. As I opened up the door to find something edible, someone coughed lightly in the doorway.

I spun around, my skin crawling with surprise and fear. My heart seemed to have taken up residence in my throat.

It was Black.

Oh bloody Merlin's baggy buttocks.

What was he doing here? Didn't he have his own house to inhabit?

I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I was wearing only a light cotton tank top and thin pajama pants. I tugged at the hem of the top, which only brushed the top of the pants.

"Oh, sorry. I thought I was the only one awake," he said, coming into the kitchen. He glanced in the brewing tea and got down another ceramic mug from the shelf. I stared at these actions with wide eyes.

"Couldn't sleep either?" he asked, tapping the teapot with three fingers. Smiling with satisfaction, he poured now-finished tea into the waiting mugs and carried them to the worn wooden table. I was still poised at the refrigerator, now not entirely certain I was awake.

"Are you going to grab anything from there, or are you just trying to freeze your buttocks off?" Black asked, raising an eyebrow. There was a small glimmer of playfulness in his fathomless grey eyes.

I blushed from my head to my blue-tinged toes.

"You can sit down...I only bite when provoked," he said, gesturing towards the chair opposite him.

As though in a dream state, I closed the refrigerator, all traces of hunger gone, crossed the kitchen and sat down across from Sirius Black.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" He smiled at me and set the mug down in front of me.

I wrapped my hands around the mug, letting the warmth seep through my entire body. I fixed my eyes on the grains of wood within the table, tracing patterns and avoiding the man seated in front of me.

We sat without talking, the only sound the soft scraping of ceramic as one of us lifted the mug to our lips.

Gods, it was awkward.

I just wanted to leave.

I chanced a glance through my eyelashes and saw he was looking at me.

At. Me.

Staring. At. Me.

Why. The. Hell. Was. He. Staring.

I gulped.

He must have noticed my discomfort, for he shifted his gaze to something else in the small kitchen.

But it didn't erase the fact that Sirius Black had been staring at me. Remy Collins.

Me.

The girl he ridiculed throughout Hogwarts.

Me.

The girl he rescued from a collapsed house.

Me.

The girl who wouldn't talk to anyone.

Me.

Remy Collins.

No. I was blowing this out of proportion. I probably had something on my face.

As inconspicuously as I could, I rubbed at my face vigorously.

Nothing there.

Maybe he was staring at me because he was thinking of all the pranks he pulled on me.

Probably trying to jog his memory of one of the 'great' ones.

Yes, that was it.

Sirius Black couldn't stare at me...Not in that way.

No, not ever.

Setting my face to something I figured was impassive, I met his lingering gaze.

Oh Merlin.

This was going to be hard.

"You know, Remus was right about your eyes," he said suddenly.

I hadn't been expecting that. For a second, I looked at him questioningly.

"He keeps going on about how different your eyes are. And he's right. I have never seen anything like them," Black said in a matter-of-fact kind of voice.

I knew my eyes were different. There were my father's eyes, which made them that more special to me. They were almond shaped, with thick lashes framing them. The irises were an extremely light blue, speckled with gold flecks. The rim of the irises was the most unique part; it was a dark blue that was almost black.

Oh Morgana's cauldron.

I busied myself by taking a rather large gulp of tea, which nearly scalded my throat.

We continued to sit at the table, silence heavy upon the table. Sunshine began to stream into the kitchen as the minutes ticked by.

Six-thirty rolled around and I heard stirrings from upstairs. A few minutes later, Lily emerged, her hair looking like it was trying to impersonate a lion.

She stopped short in the kitchen and peered at the two of us sitting at the table with an incredulous expression on her face.

"Sirius? And...Remy?" she asked, as though she was confirming what she was seeing.

"Morning Lil!" Black said enthusiastically, jumping to his feet and pecking her on the cheek.

"What's going on?" she asked slowly, mostly asking me.

I gave her a minuscule shake of my head.

Like I knew why he was acting like a civilized human being towards me.

"Want some tea?" Black asked, gesturing towards the pot.

"Um...Sure..." she said, still look rather dumbfounded.

Black handed her a steaming mug and took his seat again, smiling brightly. Lily remained where she was, casting confused glances towards the pair of us.

I closed my eyes, wishing I could have just ignored my stomach and avoided this massive blob of awkwardness.

"So...the grass..." Lily started, trying to break the silence.

She was saved as James shuffled into the kitchen, bleary-eyed and yawning. He looked from Black, to me, to Lily, then back to Black.

"Morning, sunshine," Black said.

"Nmmphg," James mumbled, dragging his feet towards the refrigerator.

"He's always been a morning person," Black said to me, winking.

Lily and I had identical incredulous looks.

"Sirius...Can I speak to you? In the hallway?" Lily asked, setting her mug down on the counter.

"I didn't do it!" Black said quickly, raising his hands as though that would prove his innocence.

"Hallway. Now," she said, grabbing his wrist and pulling up. She was surprisingly strong for such a small woman.

My face burned with embarrassment. I knew what she was talking about. It didn't take a genius to figure it out.

James threw himself into Black's now empty seat, a large plate of food in front of him. I raised an eyebrow as he dug into the mound with great enthusiasm.

"Want some?" he asked, suddenly looking up.

Without waiting for a response, he Summoned another plate from the cupboard and divided his eggs, bacon, toast, and pancakes in half.

I gave him a small smile of thanks, which he returned, and tucked into the food.

Minutes later, Lily marched back into the kitchen,

"Where's Sirius?" James asked, noticing Lily had entered by herself.

"He's leaving," she said, slightly sheepishly. She puttered around the little kitchen, while James looked at her with a strange expression on his face.

"Why? What did he do wrong?" he asked, setting down his knife and fork.

"He just needed to leave," Lily said, wringing her hands.

"Lily...He wasn't doing anything wrong," James said. His voice remained calm, though I could tell he was not pleased with her actions.

"No, he wasn't. But I don't want anything upsetting-" she broke off, and shot a quick glance at me.

"Was he upsetting her?" James asked, far past pretenses.

"James, you remember how he was towards her. Hasn't she been through enough?" Lily snapped suddenly.

I wondered if it was possible for a person to disappear into the floor.

"Lily, he is above that now. If you didn't notice, he was the one who saved her!" James answered, matching Lily's tone.

"I did happen to notice! And I have also noticed his new fascination with her! She doesn't need that!" Lily exclaimed, her whole being crackling with energy.

"Fascination? He's concerned!" James said, folding his arms across his chest.

"Concerned? CONCERNED? REMUS IS CONCERNED! HE HONESTLY CARES ABOUT REMY! BUT SIRIUS? NO! SIRIUS IS JUST TRYING TO SAVE HIS OWN ASS! IF SHE HAD DIED, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BECAUSE OF HIM!" Lily suddenly screeched.  
I sensed that it was time for me to exit the battleground. As quietly as I could, I got up from the table. I realized my mistake, for the only way out of the kitchen was passing between James and Lily.

I tried to slip past them, though Lily seemed to have finally realized what she had been saying in front of me.

"Remy, I-I...He was so...He just..." She tried to speak though nothing but small snippets seemed to make it through.

I shrugged it off, feeling slightly sick. James was still glaring at Lily, and Lily was near tears. I needed to get away. This was an overload.

I escaped up the stairs to my bedroom, closing the door quietly. I collapsed into the armchair by the window, drawing my knees close to my chest.

That was it.

He was just trying to make sure the mistake he had made didn't make a blemish on his reputation. He didn't care about me. Was I really surprised?

No.

Did it still hurt?

Surprisingly, it did.

* * *

A week after Lily had shown Black the door, a week after Lily and James's first real fight as a married couple, Remus showed up.

Through my bedroom door, I heard his mellow voice in the hallway. My heart seem to leap out of my chest as I threw the book I was reading away and dashed towards the stairs. He was standing with James and Lily, a thick traveling cloak across his arm and large purple smudges under his eyes.

Without thinking, I ran down the stairs and launched myself into his arms.

There was a collective gasp from all three of them, but I didn't care. He was here. He was back.

I buried my face in his chest, and I felt his arms wrap around me. For the first time in three weeks, I didn't pull away. I didn't flinch from his touch. I welcomed it.

I didn't hear Lily and James leave the scene, nor did I sense Remus leading me into the living room. All I heard and felt was his strong heartbeat, reassuring and safe.

I didn't want to ever let go.

"Oh Remy," he murmured, pressing me even closer. His hand wrapped itself in my loose hair and the other rubbed circles on my back.

"You're alright...You're safe...You're alright..."

He seemed to be saying more for his sake rather than mine. I didn't mind though.

Remus was the first to pull way and hold me away. His eyes searched my face, hungrily drinking in the sight of me it seemed.

Gods, I had missed him.

My best friend.

"Are you eating enough? Cause Lily says you sometimes don't eat supper, which is not the best thing for you to do, I might add. She said you are at least eating with them, which is really good, Remy. It's progress. You're going to okay. You're going to be fine," he said, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

I nearly laughed.

"I'm sorry I haven't been here. I should have been here every single day with you. I'm sorry, love. Things happened, the Longbottoms were attacked. They're alright. Alice is a little shaken up, and Frank killed three Death Eaters. They'll be fine. And Dorcas Meadows and Posy West had a run in with a couple of vampires near the Welsh border. They're fine. I just couldn't get away to come see you. I'm sorry, Remy, I'm so sorry."

I wanted to say something to comfort him. I didn't care that he hadn't been to see me. All I cared about was that he was here now. I tried to speak, to tell him all that I was thinking, but nothing came out.

He noticed my gaping mouth and a wave of sadness passed over his face.

"You're still having trouble talking?" he asked quietly.

I nodded, devastated at my lack of speech. Why couldn't I talk?

"Sometimes...victims experience certain traits that they never had before, like speech impairment. Your speech will come back. I know it will. You just have to be patient. You'll know when you are ready. Have you been trying magic?"

I recoiled from him when he mentioned magic. I didn't want him to see my feeble attempts at spells, or the pathetic results from incantations.

"After a traumatic experience likes yours, it's perfectly normal for witches or wizards to have trouble with their magic. Don't worry. It's like your voice. It will come back," he said, as though reading my mind.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead. "You'll be okay. I promise."

I smiled weakly at him, and wrapped my arms around his neck again.

He was healing presence to me. I felt whole again, for the first time since It happened. I felt complete again.

I felt my heart swell with love for him, my best friend, my non-biological brother.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I know you lost Sebastian, so I got you something to help with that." He gave me a large smile and dashed into the hallway. Seconds later, he reappeared, something clutched behind his back.

"I know it won't replace him, but...here."

Something warm, small, and fluffy plopped into my hands. I looked down into the slightly crossed, blue eyes of a small Siamese kitten.

I melted.

"It's a girl. Gideon helped me pick her out. She was the only one who didn't bite him," Remus said with a laugh. I cuddled the kitten closer, and a small wave of sadness passed over me. I had mourned the loss of Sebastian, my companion throughout Hogwarts.

The kitten licked my thumb with her small, sand paper tongue.

"What will you name her?" asked Remus, scratching the kitten behind a dark ear.

I shrugged. There was plenty of time to pick out a name.

I smiled up at Remus, unable to express my gratitude. For everything.

"I can't stay long. I am going to Ireland to meet with a couple of blokes about a sighting of Inferi. I won't be gone for long, maybe a couple of days," Remus said, squinting at his wristwatch.

I frowned. I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay with me.

"No, don't give me that look. You'll be fine with James and Lily," Remus answered, leading me back to the hallway. He threw the traveling cloak over his shoulders, just as James and Lily emerged from the kitchen.

They're clothes were suspiciously rumpled, and Lily was trying to flatten out her wild hair, which had mysteriously fallen out of its tight plait.

"Off already?" asked James, disappointed clouding his voice.

"Yeah, I want to get there as soon as possible. If there really are Inferi, which I highly doubt, I will have to deal with them," Remus said, grasping James's hand.

"Be careful, Remus," Lily said, hugging him tightly.

I looked up at him, wishing he could stay longer.

"I know, love. I'll be back though. I'll bring Gideon next time," he said, kissing my forehead again. He gazed at me a moment, a peculiar expression on his face. It was almost...glowing...with something I couldn't quite place.

He was clapped on the back once more by James, then disappeared out the door. I watched him hurry down the path to the edge of yard, glance back and wave at me. I held up my hand in farewell and continued to watch him until he had disappeared around the bend.

I walked into the kitchen, stroking the kitten gently. Lily was seated at the table, doing a crossword puzzle, the tip of her quill between her teeth.

"Who was the author of "The Raven"?" asked Lily. "I cannot remember for the life of me!"

"It was that Toe guy, wasn't it?" James said, throwing a grape up in the air and catching it.

"POE! That's it! Thank you, darling," she exclaimed, scribbling in the boxes.

"That's what I said...Poe," James said, winking at me.

I set my new kitten down and leaned up against the counter next to James. He was watching Lily work, a half smile playing across his features.

Lily set down her quill and yawned, stretching out her arms.

"I feel like dancing," James said suddenly.

Lily looked at him and shook her head. "No, absolutely not."

Apparently, James wasn't taking 'no' for an answer. He flicked his wand towards an old record player in the living room, which I hadn't noticed before.

Elvis Presley's sweet croon echoed through the house, and Lily covered her face with her hands.

"You remember this song?" yelled James, swaying his hips to the music.

"Of course I do. It was the Christmas party of '76...You sang this on the table of your parent's house with Sirius," said Lily.

"YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG!" bellowed James, twisting towards Lily.

"Oh Merlin, James. You're going to break the windows!" Lily laughed, trying to escape.

"Darling! DANCE WITH ME!"

James grabbed Lily's hands and began to spin her around and around. She squealed with delight and James planted a kiss right on her smiling mouth.

I watched the couple dance through the kitchen, both of them laughing and singing. At the grand finale of the song, James dipped Lily down and held her above the floor as the record scratched out.

With a jolt, I suddenly recognized the look on James's face as he gazed down at his wife. It was one of unconditional love, one of complete and utter devotion...It was also the exact same look Remus gave me.

I slumped against the counter.

This could not end well at all.

* * *

Author's Note:

I wrote this in about three hours. Hopefully it was worth the wait. Again, I apologize for my laziness and the fact that I was out of the country for two weeks. My bad.

R

E

V

I

E

W

Please?


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note:

It seems we have come to Chapter Seven. Also, it has come to my attention that some of the dates are a little screwed up. I use a website that has about three different time lines. I am using one that says that Lily and James finished Hogwarts in 1978. It's the most legit one, I think.

Disclaimer:

No, I am not J.K. Rowling. Big shocker there. I know, I know, you all thought that Verekai was actually J.K. Rowling. It's a common case of mistaken identity.

* * *

What had I done?

What had I done?

WHAT HAD I DONE?  
I sat at the kitchen table with my head in my hands, grasping at my hair in frustration.

How could I have not seen it?

When did it happen?

What had I done?  
"You okay, Remy?" Lily asked, walking into the room.

No. I was not okay. My best friend was in love with me and I had only ever thought of him in the non-romantic sense. No. I was far from okay.

"Don't worry, Remus will be back tomorrow. Dumbledore told us at the meeting last night," Lily said, misinterpreting my distress. "Oh, and Gideon wants to come over to see you sometime. He probably wants to show off his nephews. Apparently, the oldest looks just like him already."

I nodded in response. Seeing Gideon would be wonderful. I missed his easy smile and rib-shattering hugs.

"Do you remember Xavier Chang from Hogwarts? He was a Ravenclaw in our year. I dated him for like a week in fifth year. Drove James completely mad," Lily mused, twisting her wedding band around her finger.

I raised my head to look at her. What was her point?  
"His wife had a little girl a couple of months ago," she said, still fiddling with her band.

Something was definitely up...She was acting extremely strange.

"I wouldn't mind having a family. I want a big one, at least four kids. Maybe more. And a dog...I never had a dog when I was younger. My dad was allergic."

She was rambling, something she rarely did. Lily was always so calm and collected; it was slightly daunting to see her almost the least bit out-of-control.

"I bet James hasn't even thought about kids," she said, almost bitterly. She started to pace the length of the kitchen.

What was going on? I was so confused.

"Remy...I need you to answer a question for me as truthfully as possible," asked Lily, suddenly spinning around and facing me. "Do you think I would I be a good mother?"

I looked at her, and it suddenly dawned on me why she was being so strange. She wanted to start a family. She wanted a baby. She wanted a squalling, pooping, chubby-cheeked bundle to love and adore.

Yes, Lily would be a good mother. A great one.

I nodded resolutely, not breaking my gaze.

She seemed to deflate a little, and then sat down across from me.

"Tomorrow's Hallowe'en," she said suddenly, rubbing her face with her hand.

I wished I was back at Hogwarts, where Hagrid's gigantic pumpkins sent strange flickering shadows across the tables, and live bats swooped down from the ceiling. I missed the pumpkin pie that the house elves always sent up, the huge mugs of hot chocolate they would give me on my late night rendezvous to the kitchens. I missed the simplicity of school.

"James and I are going over to Frank and Alice's tomorrow night. They invited you as well. Do you...Do you want to come?" asked Lily.

Frank and Alice...The memory of James and Lily's wedding flashed into my head and I saw the smiling couple in my mind's eye. They were both Aurors, and Frank Longbottom had been trained under Barty Crouch himself.

I nodded slowly, surprisingly both Lily and myself.

"Really? You're sure? Oh, Remy, I think that's a wonderful idea. Dumbledore said it would be alright, though I'll have to do some Charms on you for the trip. It's not terribly long from here; the Longbottom's live in Lancashire," Lily said, looking quite a bit happier now.

It suddenly dawned on me that I had no idea where I was in England. I had deduced that we were somewhere in Somerset, though I couldn't exactly say which town. I myself had grown up in Pembrokeshire, though I knew the Collins family had an estate in Kent. I suddenly remembered a day during the summer of my third year, when my father had stormed into the house, sending rain spraying from his hair and cloak.

"Almost on the other side of the bloody country and I run into _him!" _he had fumed to my mother, who had anxiously put her knitting down when she saw the state of him.

"Who, dear?" she had asked, sending a very pointed glance towards me. I had known that look, the go-to-bed-I-don't-care-if-it's-seven-o'clock look.

I had not gone to bed, as they had thought, but had listened at the door of the living room.

"Malcolm. Saw him at the fish market today. Said he was looking for better halibut! Pah! Bollocks, I say! Does he think I am stupid? There are about a million fish markets in blooming Kent!"

I knew my father had three siblings, a brother and two sisters. I had never met any of them, though my father had mention his sisters, Giselle and Ophelia, numerous times. The brother, Malcolm, was never discussed and the subject was always promptly changed if it came up. From my father's rants, I was able to conclude that Malcolm had gone to their parents and told them about my mother. He had then tried to perform the Cruciatus Curse on her. The relationship between Malcolm and my father disintegrated after those incidents.

"Remy?"

I jolted back from memory lane, back to Somerset and Lily's slightly perplexed face.

"You okay? You sort of blanked out for a second."

I nodded, and rubbed my temples. I could still smell my father's favorite cologne and the sweet twang of faint cigar smoke. I sighed deeply, wanting to keep that with me for as long as possible. I missed both of my parents more than anything, but I had always had a special bond with my father.

Lily was opening the mail that was scattered haphazardly on the table. She opened a rather damp letter with a small frown on her face.

"It's from James's parents...we haven't heard from them in almost three years. Right after we finished Hogwarts, they went into hiding," she said, her frown deepening.

There was a knock at the front door, though Lily did not seem to notice. I waited for a minute to see if she was going to get it, but she seemed entirely engrossed in the letter, which was rather lengthy.

"Lily! It's me! Remember me? Your husband?"

It was James.

I went to the door to let him in, though I realized I probably should have asked the safe question.

Not really sure what I was to do, I just knocked back.

"What the-" I heard James say. "Wait...Remy?"

I knocked again.

_Come on, Remy. Talk, you idiot. Talk! _

I wet my lips, and squared my shoulders. I was going to do this. I was going to do this.

"H-" I started, feeling a slight catch in my throat.

Come on...

"Ha-" I pressed my lips together.

"Remy...It's okay..." James said through the door.

I whimpered pitifully...Gods, this was terrible...humiliating...I wanted to sink into the floor.

Suddenly, in a whirl of color, Lily came rushing into the front hall.

"James!" she nearly sobbed and flew open the door.

"What's the matter?" he asked, stepping back from door.

"We need to go. Your parents are...Your mum and dad are...They said they're really sick and they want to see us...They say they don't have much time left," Lily gasped, her voice trembling with horror.

James's whole body froze at her outburst and I saw his eyes widen with growing alarm.

"What?" he asked.

Lily began to cry steadily and stepped forward into his stiff arms.

_That explained the letter _I realized.

"I need to-I should pack," James stuttered.

"I'm coming with you!" Lily exploded.

"I need to pack," James said again, moving inside the house. I hurried away from the door, knowing he would want to be alone.

"I'll arrange a Portkey," Lily said.

James caught sight of me trying to sidle away into the kitchen. "What about Remy?"

I shook my head. They shouldn't worry about me. I would be fine.

"She can stay with Remus when he gets back," Lily said gently. She seemed to have regained control over herself and it looked like a plan was already forming in her mind.

"He's not back..." James said, jumping up the stairs.

"I know. But there's no one else!" Lily exclaimed at his retreating back.

"What about Sirius? He needs to know!"

"I'll send a Patronus to him as soon as I can!" Lily shouted, dashing up the stairs after him.

I heard them continue to shout back and forth to each other upstairs, while I sank down against the wall.

Alone in a small house with Remus for Merlin knew how long? Not exactly the best case scenario for my situation right now.

I stayed on the floor until Lily emerged from upstairs, three suitcases hovering behind her.

"We're leaving as soon as possible. I'm really sorry about this, Remy. James hasn't seen his parents in a long time, and this might be the last he does." Her voice cracked at the last part of her statement.

I nodded to show I understood.

"I'll make you a Portkey, and I packed up all of your clothes for you. I know you still don't have a lot, but I gave you some of mine as well. Do you have your cat?" Lily asked, fighting to push her hair out of her eyes.

As though she had been called, my little kitten scampered into the front hall, and promptly rammed right into the front door.

I stared at her in surprise, then scooped her into my arms.

"_Portus" _I heard Lily command and something in the kitchen lit up with a blue glow.

She hurried back into the front hall, carrying a cracked mug that James had broken a couple of mornings ago and the letter from James's parents. "Here. Give the letter to Remus," she said, and handed them to me.

I tucked the suitcase under my arm, gripped the kitten to my chest, and hooked a finger around the handle of the mug. The letter was crushed into my back pocket.

"We'll come get you as soon as we are back," Lily said, and with a forced smile, she kissed me on the forehead and gave me a large hug.

I wanted to say 'be careful'. I wanted to say 'it's going to be alright'. But I couldn't. I could just try and tell her everything I was feeling through my hug.

"Three...two...one..."

There was that strange, uncomfortable feeling behind my navel and I disappeared into a tornado of wind and color.

* * *

I crashed into the floor of Remus's house, sending the kitten yowling across the floor and my suitcase spilling into the wall.

"Remy?"

That certainly wasn't Remus's voice.

I looked up from the floor, and nearly wet myself when I saw that it was Sirius Black peering down at me.

"Are you alright?" he asked, reaching out a hand to help me up.

I jerked away from his hand of help, and got up by myself. I stuck my nose in the air. I didn't need his stupid help.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

I could have asked him the same question. What the hell was he doing at Remus's house?

I suddenly remembered the letter. I thrust it at him and turned to look for the kitten. It was sulking under the sofa, its soft fur puffed out angrily.

"What? Oh gods..."

I turned around and nearly fell over when I realized Sirius was right behind me. He looked like a lost man, and it scared me to no end. I didn't know how to react to this.

"What the hell is going on?" he yelled, shaking the letter at me. I cowered away from him.

"Please...Tell me what's happening!" he cried desperately. I moved away until my back was against the wall.

I shook my head. It was in the letter. Why wasn't he reading the letter?

"What's happening! Tell me, dammit!" he shouted, coming even closer to me.

Was it not clear enough in the letter? What was the matter with him?

He had his hands pressed on either side of my head, suspended above me. He was quite a bit taller than me, though with his head bent in despair he was almost my height.

Without warning, he punched the wall right next to my head. I cried out in surprise and fear.

He looked up and looked at the hole in the wall with an incredulous expression on his face. Before I knew what was happening, he started to laugh.

Laugh.

Like a complete maniac.

His shoulders were shaking and his eyes were shut tightly.

I stared at him in shock and revulsion.

He was laughing. After he had rammed his hand into the wall like a complete troll.

Nothing could have prepared me for this.

Without further ado, I reached up and slapped him twice.

"Wha-" he stepped back and shook his head as though to clear it.

"You just slapped me!" he said, flabbergasted.

Damn right, I just slapped him.

"You just slapped me," he said again.

What was his point?

"I can't believe you just slapped me," he said. He was closer now, closer than he had been before. Way too close.

Tentatively, he reached out a hand, which looked red from him slamming it into the wall, and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"You just slapped me..."

His fingers trailed across my cheek to trace my parted lips.

WHAT?

I couldn't move...It was too weird. He was touching me.

_It actually didn't feel that bad _

Shut up, brain. SHUT UP!

He was leaning in.

Holy crow, he was going to kiss me.

Remy Collins was going to be kissed by Sirius Black.

Why wasn't I running away screaming?

What was happening to me?

Why wasn't I cringing away in disgust?

Why was I secretly hoping he would just hurry up and kiss me?

He was so close, I could see every fleck of color in those deep grey eyes.

Softly, ever so gently, he pressed his lips to mine.

* * *

Author's Note:

Whoa...wasn't expecting that to come out. What just happened? That was strange. Maybe it was too fast. You tell me.

Review?


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note:

This is hard to say. I know I love you, and I know you don't notice. So I've decided to get on with my life. I know it will be hard, but I have to try. Because I can't wait forever.

Disclaimer:

Nothing is mine.

* * *

With a jolt, my eyes flew open.

My head was pounding so sharply that I cried out in pain. Bile collected at the back of my throat and I struggled not to throw up.

I was lying on my back, staring up at the treetops, which scattered the sunshine like pieces of glass. The world spun around lazily above me, and somewhere in the distance, a bird was crooning a soft song.

I coughed as my lungs constricted uncomfortably, and I rolled onto my side, wheezing and groaning. The back of my head stung painfully. I reached a hand up to the back of my neck and my hand came away sticky with blood.

Merlin.

Had I dreamed all that? Had I just imagined everything that had happened between me and...I could barely even think his name.

Something must have happened with the Portkey. Lily must have accidentally messed up the spell in her haste to leave for James's parent's house.

Bloody Merlin.

I whimpered, already feeling like my whole body was bruised.

There was a soft meow from somewhere above my head and I twisted to look up into the eyes of the kitten Remus had given me.

She stared at me reproachfully, as though it had been my fault we had landed in this terrible situation. She reached out a small paw and batted my nose, mewing pathetically.

Sucking in a deep breath, I sat up slowly, my head spinning and stars dancing across my eyes.

I was in a clearing, surrounded by towering skeletal trees. There were only a few leaves, for most of them littered the damp ground, their rich colours of gold, orange, and red creating a patchwork quilt of brilliance.

I glanced around, not seeing my suitcases anywhere. A stab of pain raced from the small of my back all the way to my head, and I stifled a shriek of pain.

It appeared I had landed on a particularly rocky piece of land, and the small, grey stones must have cut open my back when I had landed. I lowered myself back to the ground, crying out as my back twinged.

I needed my wand. I hadn't needed my wand for nearly a three weeks. Lily had kindly suggested I carry it around, just in case. I felt so grateful for her motherly attention. I had kept my wand in a strap around my thigh, which was an uncomfortable, but inconspicuous, safe-keeping spot. Carefully, and slightly awkwardly, I reached past the drawstring of my sweatpants and pulled my wand up. The pain in my back had settled into a dull ache that throbbed continually.

As though performing a routine, spells began to dance through my mind. They were spells of healing, spells of mending. I had hardly forgotten any of them, for I had thought about my healing often since the incident.

I had never thought I would use the spells on myself.

Would I be able to say the spell? I had to. I needed to. If I wanted to get out of this place, I had no other option.

"Reperio Vulnero" I sputtered, my voice scratching my throat.

It was so strange to hear my voice after so many weeks of silence. I had done it. I had finally broken my silence. My chest heaving with emotion, I began to sob.

I did not know I was still able to cry. I hadn't cried since I was sixteen. Now, I lay on the cold, leaf-strewn ground, tears rolling down the side of my face. All because I had finally uttered a word.

I felt the spell begin to take effect. A blue glow emanated from my torso and I could feel it pulsing on my back.

I figured I had probably fractured my ribs, as well as cut open my back. The spell was designed to find the injuries of the patient.

The kitten, still purring its heart out, toddled to my side and jumped onto my stomach. It perched there, staring at me as I sobbed my heart out.

Everything was so wrong. Nothing was happening like I thought it would. My best friend could possibly be in love with me, while I had daydreams about kissing his best friend.

Plus, I was starting to sound like one of those whiny girls. Why couldn't I just go back to the way things were? Before Lily and James's wedding. Before Remus came into Flourish and Blott's. Before I was ever important to the Death Eaters. Before I was suddenly cut off from the one thing I was actually good at.

I missed the hospital. I missed my scrub robes. I missed the feeling of accomplishment whenever I finished a particularly difficult procedure. I missed the feeling of importance whenever I saved someone's life.

I knew it was a silly thing to miss, work. But with everything that had happened, the stability of it was something I had taken for granted.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, the sun warming my cool skin in patches. I went back to a summer day, where the sun was just as warm, when my parents were with me, and I was happy.

For what seemed like hours, I lay in the clearing, my legs crooked and my arms thrown across my body, basking in the memory.

* * *

The sun was high in the sky when I heard a faint shout in the distance. I was drowsy and stiff from not moving for the entire day, and I barely noticed that the faint crunching of bushes was getting louder and louder.

"STELLIE! STELLIE WAIT FOR ME!" someone cried in desperation. I jumped and immediately groaned in pain, flames dancing up my spine to the base of my skull. The kitten mewed her indignation and jumped to the ground, her tail in the air. I had to move. It suddenly dawned on me that I was in the middle of an unknown place, completely defenseless. Whimpering so pitifully from the nauseating pain, I struggled onto my stomach. Before I was even able to crawl away from the clearing, a rather flushed looking girl came tumbling through the bushes, twigs caught in her thick brown hair and dirt smeared on her forehead. She stopped dead when she saw my limp body, my bloodied back on full display. I expected her to scream, or to shout. Instead, she regarded me with huge, dark eyes, an expression of curiosity on her handsome features.

"Stellie! You always run too fast! Mama said that you have to be careful and you weren't being careful. Because I saw you trip and fall and I'm going to tell Mama..." a little boy, small and round, ran out of the bushes, talking a mile a minute.

"Hush up, Andrei!" the girl ordered, trying to push the boy back into the trees. He dodged her hands and peered around her legs, his eyes almost as big as hers.

"Stellie," he said in a hushed whisper, "is that a faerie?"

"No, Andrei. Go get Mama," the girl whispered back, though I could hear what both of them were saying perfectly. I made no move to acknowledge them. I was so tired. Cold was seeping into every pore of my body. I could barely move my fingers. I felt my eyelids becoming heavier and heavier, and I struggled against the exhaustion and nausea.

"Don't worry, Miss Faerie. We will help you," the boy said and I let myself be drawn into the comforting and somewhat familiar embrace of unconsciousness.

"There's a good girl...Open your eyes, now," someone murmured.

Oh, I didn't want to. I was warm in this place. So warm and comfortable. Why would I move. Why would I wake from such a good dream.

Regrettably, I opened my eyes to a spectacular view of the late evening sunset. Ceiling to floor windows ran around three walls of the room I lay in, with white, gauzy curtains every so often revealing the land beyond. I shifted my gaze to the person sitting beside the bed.

"It's good to see some life in you. Granted, you were only out for six hours, but I was getting worried you would never wake up!" the woman smiled, showing perfect, white teeth.

Somehow, though I had no idea how, I knew this woman. There was something so familiar in the way she smiled, and in the shape of her eyes. Her hair was a golden wheat color, pulled neatly into a plait. She wore simple clothes, though they still held the air of expensive taste.

"Where-" I started, suddenly uncomfortable in the strange surroundings. And suspicious. Being in close proximity with members of the Order had made me weary. Not too mention, the ever present paranoia that had plagued me for over a month.

"You're in Kent. My name is Ophelia Redevente. You are at my house, or rather my husband's house," she offered helpfully.

"Kent-Supposed to be somewhere-" My speech was garbled and broken, my head fuzzy and discombobulated.

"You weren't supposed to end up here, were you?" she asked, getting up from her chair. She went over to a glass pitcher and poured a glass of water. She brought it over to the bed, waiting while I slowly pulled myself into a sitting position. Gently, she handed me the glass and I greedily drank all of its contents.

"Are you...witch?" I asked, and immediately dreaded the question. How completely idiotic of me. What if she wasn't?

She laughed musically and nodded. "I have a theory on what happened with your Portkey. It happened to my brother once..." her voice trailed off, and she looked away.

"My Portkey?" I mumbled, not entirely oblivious to her discomfort.

"Uh...yes, your Portkey. You might have collided with another Portkey traveler." I saw Ophelia wipe her face with her red sleeve.

"That can happen?" I asked, feeling embarrassed.

"Yes, more often now. A lot of people are traveling by Portkey nowadays, to escape the Dark Lord."

I jumped slightly, for the only people I had ever heard refer to You-Know-Who as the "Dark Lord" were Death Eaters.

"I patched you up though! You had a nasty cut on your back from the rocks, and a minor concussion from the impact," Ophelia said, turning back to face me. Her face was slightly red and I saw a splotch of dampness on her sleeve.

"Are you a Healer?" I asked, trying to distract her from whatever had made her so upset.

"No, not me. My father made sure everyone in the family knew basic spells of Healing, though. I'm more or less just as qualified as one," she answered, picking up the empty glass from my hand.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to process everything that had happened. All I could think about was that dream. It had felt so real. I still remembered that kiss.

_The one that never happened?_ A little voice in my head asked. Why had I even been dreaming about something so completely horrendous, so wrong, so...

Wonderful?

My eyes flew open with disgust. I sounded like someone out of Lily's smutty, Muggle romance novels.

"I have to quick check on my daughter. You try and rest and then we can figure out how to get you where you need to be," Ophelia said, not noticing my silent feud. She disappeared through a large, white door at the end of the room.

I lay against the fluffy pillows, not liking the familiarity of the situation. I almost missed the soft click of the door reopening, lost in the a deep pit of self pity.

The little boy, Thomas, peeked around the door, his bright eyes wide with curiosity. I watched his silent journey across the huge room, his feet making loud slapping noises on the floor.

He scrambled into the empty chair his mother had previously occupied and sat with a shy smile on his round face.

"Mama said you aren't a faerie," he said, clasping his hands in his lap.

I shook my head, a smile creeping onto my face.

"She-she-she said that you were lost," he said, fiddling with a button on his little pants. He still had the huge belly and small pudgy fingers that babies had.

"What's your name?" I asked, trying to be friendly.

"Andrei. I'm four and a quarter," he answered smartly, holding up three fingers.

Oh dear. My heart had just been stolen by this adorable little boy.

"What is your name?" he asked.

"Remy. I'm eighteen," I said, and scooted up on my pillows. My back was a little stiff, but nothing I couldn't deal with.

"Wow," Andrei said, with a small child's wonderment.

Words were coming, but with sticky unclarity. My voice caught it my throat, and anxiety seized my entire being. But I had to do this...I had to overcome this crutch.

"Can you do magic?" Andrei asked suddenly.

I swallowed. "I can...I used to make people better."

"Are you like Mama? She makes me feel better when I feel bad."

"Yes, I guess I am," I answered. I looked over Andrei's appreciative smile to see a tall dark man slip into the room. Andrei must have heard something as well, for he swirled around in his chair. He whooped for joy and scrambled down, racing across the room to embrace this newcomer.

I heard the man softly murmur to Andrei, though it was in a different language, something that I could hardly keep up with.

"Meu frumos fiu. Eşti tu mai mare din dimineaţă? Curînd , tu vei a fi as mare as eu!_"_

Thomas laughed gleefully, and lifted his arms up, a silent plea for the man to pick him up.

"Şi cine este el pe canapea? Alt călător al tău mamă a întemeia?"the man asked, glancing at me. I pushed myself up farther, so I was in a sitting position.

"Tata, Stellie fell down outside," Andrei said loudly.

"Did she? Did Mama fix her up?" the man said, his voice deep and rich. There was a slight guttural twang to it that reminded me of the Russian patients the hospital sometimes had.

"Yep! And I caught one of the chickens today! Radu showed me!" Andrei said, a note of pride decorating his little voice.

"Andrei!" the man said, scandalized. He said something quietly in Andrei's ear and set him on the ground. Andrei scampered to the door, and skidded to a stop. He sent a huge smile back to me before disappearing.

I turned my attention to the tall man that had moved to occupy the chair beside the bed. I stared up at him with dread curdling in my stomach.

"Who are you?" he asked simply.

For a moment, I thought of lying. I started to think of possible fake names...most of them ridiculous, or the name of someone I already knew. Like Lily Potter...or Buttfacia Mustpoopius.

"Remy...Remy Collins," I said, and mentally kicked myself.

"I am Gabriel Redevente," he said, and extended a hand. I shook it hesitantly. "You say 'Collins'?"

"Er...yes. My last name is Collins," I said uneasily. Unless my eyes were deceiving me, I saw his face go slightly white.

"I'm really sorry about imposing on you and your family, Mr Redevente. I'll be gone as soon as possible," I said, sensing a frosty drop in the mood.

"No, no...It's no problem...no..." He seemed distracted now. He rubbed his temples, his little salt and pepper mustache quivering.

"Really, I feel bloody awful about this whole thing...I mean, just awful, not bloody awful...well, that too...I just..." I scrambled to find the right words. I was sitting in front of one of the most intimidating men I had ever met in my life, and my tongue wasn't working. In fact, nothing was working.

"If you don't mind me asking...what was the name of your father?" Mr Redevente asked slowly.

"Philip Collins..." I answered. Mr Redevente nearly fell off his chair.

"Are you positive his name was Philip?" he asked.

I looked at him for a moment, wondering if he knew what he had just asked.

"Quite positive," I answered.

Mr Redevente opened his mouth, and Ophelia burst into the room.

"Well, I finally figured it out!" she said, cuddling a small yellow bundle to her chest. She stopped suddenly when she saw Mr Redevente's pale complexion and my deepening frown.

"Everything alright?" Ophelia asked, her swinging hair catching in the last rays of the sun.

Mr Redevente stood up and walked to his wife. She gave him a searching look, and he dipped his head down to her ear. I heard the words he whispered in her ear, like a cold icicle dropping into my stomach.

"No, Lia...That is Philip's daughter. That is your brother's daughter."

* * *

Author's Note:

So this chapter took me a while to write. There were a lot of ups and downs while writing it. Hopefully, it was worth the wait? Tell me!


End file.
